Grief’s Women

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“I have these people in my life, in abundance. You do too, even if you don’t know about it. Women who have had miscarriages, stillbirths, who have lost infants, women who have struggled through infertility, those who still struggle through it and those who have finally given up on the dream of having biological children. Women whose babies have been diagnosed with hard medical things, in the womb or out of it. Women whose grief is not related to their children but who struggle to parent under the weight of something else. The list is even longer than that and includes so many different circumstances and trials and heartaches. Grieving moms and grieving women – they are literally everywhere. We should be better at loving them.

We should talk about grief. We should ask questions and listen to peoples’ answers. We should get better at loving people who are going through hard things. We shouldn’t forget them or be afraid of their sadness or let them feel alone or inconvenient. We should be as good at mourning with our friends as we are at rejoicing with them.

It should be easy because we love them.”

One of the things that has made me proud of Brielle’s life is that so many have felt safe to open up and talk about their grief. I hope that we can be more transparent and open with hardship. I don’t believe we do ourselves any favors by hiding our pain or grief, because more often than not, the person next to you is burdened with similar pain. We shouldn’t go through life alone and we shouldn’t carry our burdens alone.

http://www.coffeeandcrumbs.net/blog/2015/8/19/what-to-say-to-a-grieving-mom

Two Little Charms

My best friend Emily had these made for us and they arrived as a surprise today! I cannot explain how much these charms mean to me, how perfect they are, and how much David and I will treasure them. Thank you so much Emily, we love you so much, all five of us (Emmy and Rosie included).

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August 19: Day of Hope

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So many think that these babies aren’t capable of anything and that everything they do is a reflex. By talking to your friends and coworkers about this defect, we can hopefully decrease its frequency and decrease the number of aborted babies with anencephaly, which is currently at 95%. I think it’s important for people to know that these babies are more than their defect and deserve a chance at life.

Our Hospital Tour

Brielle is 28 weeks today! We took a tour of the women’s center today. We met with Jamie today, who is wonderful and scheduled us a private tour when she heard Brielle has anencephaly. The staff there is all being told about our situation and they are all going to do everything they can to support us. I cannot begin to explain how much we appreciate this.

The building is very nice. The first floor has nice waiting rooms, a very nice bistro, restrooms, and a piano (added bonus). The second, third, and fourth floors are LDR and mother and baby rooms. David and I were very impressed with the facility and how kind and friendly everyone was.

Today was a very hard day for us. We, essentially, toured the place our daughter will die. And we had conversations about end of life care, treatment care, and harsh realities that David and I would rather ignore. Of course, we can’t ignore any of it and this is happening. I’m having tremendous anxiety. Each new week brings another helping of panic. I don’t want her to leave us and if I could have my way I’d prefer to stay pregnant forever.

I told David I don’t have a hole in my heart, a whole chunk, the whole heart is breaking off. He agreed and said that this is like watching her die in slow motion. If we could, we’d give her our heads. But that’s not how this works.

She’s not even gone yet, and this pain is more than our bodies can hold let alone comprehend.

 

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