I’ve been admitted back at L&D. All tests came back normal. Still no explanation for my erratic pulse. Brielle is doing good. We’re going on about twelve hours without food and I’m about to go crazy. Will probably speak to a cardiologist in the morning. For now I’m supposed to rest and hopefully eat.
Hi all. This is David. Quick update before my phone battery runs out: a few tests were done over in Labor & Delivery but they moved her to ER because they wanted an EKG but couldn’t get one brought over after hours.
Blood tests, two urine sample, two ultra sounds and constant monitoring of her pulse and blood pressure and we don’t have the answers yet to why her pulse is so high and her chest is tight.
Brielle is OK so far.
More updates later.
Thank you for prayers!
My parents and I have bought Brielle a few outfits. And I’ve hung them up in her closet. I originally thought this would make me sad. Wouldn’t it be heartbreaking to go into a room that was supposed to be hers and it go unused? Or to look into a closet that was filled with her things and know she’ll never use them? So I didn’t go into her room for weeks. I didn’t put her nursery together and I didn’t hang things in her closet. And then I did.
I’d stand there with a huge smile on my face, looking at her frilly outfits that she probably wont fit into and really not caring if she did or didn’t. David would come in and join me and we’d laugh about how cute she’d look with her beautiful smile and a ruffly dress with a big bow on her small little head. We’d stand there and happily dream about a future with her.
I decided I wasn’t going to let her room sit empty. It’s still her room. We even call it Brielle’s room. So we’re going to hire painters and paint it for her. I’ll leave the guest bed in there, because we’ll need it and I didn’t plan on putting her crib together until she was older anyways. I’ll buy her bookshelves for her books. And keep her special blankets and toys in her room too. It feels wrong not to.
I think about when her younger sibling comes someday and telling them, “This was Brielle’s room, but we didn’t finish it.” And I don’t like that train of thought. I like the idea of saying. This is where we hoped to bring your big sister. Here are her footprints and this blanket was made special just for her. I imagine showing them who she was and what she was like.
I imagine the days after she’s died, sitting in her room and looking at her cute little things and thinking, she lived, she mattered. Maybe not for long, but she was real. I like the idea of having proof that my daughter existed and meant the world to David and I. We’ve let her fill every nook and cranny of our lives. Why would we let an unused room that we pass every single day go untouched by her?
Please keep me in your prayers. We’re on the way to the hospital because my heart rate, blood pressure, and blood sugar have been all over the place all day. Please pray that Brielle is okay and none of this has hurt her too.
Yesterday, David went out and bought Brielle a bunch of new books. I told her all about them and she did lots of happy wiggles. She especially wiggled for a Winnie the Pooh book he’d bought her. So I read that one to her. She loved it! She wiggled her little butt the whole time. Then I read her a Dr. Seuss book David had bought her. Nothing, she did not like it. No moving, no excitement. Not even happy snuggles, where she’ll curl up on one of my sides. Nothing. She really hates Dr. Seuss. Who knew a baby could hate Dr. Seuss so much? David said that this cannot be. She has to like ’80s hair bands and Dr. Seuss. I told Brielle I’d protect her from both, especially the ’80s hair bands.
lovingbrielle.com 