Hope

Praying for Hope

~ lovingbrielle ~ Leave a comment

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For the past week, David and I have chosen to not limit God with our faith. So we have decided to pray for complete healing of Brielle, that she will have a long, beautiful, healthy life. And that her life and healing will bring glory to God. God has been good to us and answered every one of our prayers, so why should we doubt Him now? We understand that what we ask for may not be in the plan, and if He chooses not to heal her, we have decided to give Him thanks and praise anyways.

We believe that there is strength in numbers, if you are willing to commit Brielle to prayer, we would ask that you join us in our prayers for her. We would ask that you pray in Jesus name that Brielle is completely healed, that her brain and skull are strong and perfectly formed. That Brielle is protected from anyone and anything that wishes her harm. That Brielle is given a long, healthy life. And that Brielle’s life will bring honor and glory to God. And that David and I do not fall prey to fear or doubt and remain firm in our belief. We ask that you pray for us by name and that you ask this all “In Jesus Name.”

Two days ago, God proved His faithfulness and saved another baby from a fatal defect. After learning their baby had a fatal defect, the family and a group of friends prayed that their baby would be completely healed. Two weeks later, the parents went back in for a scan and found a perfectly healthy baby.

David and I feel that we must do everything in our physical and spiritual power to help Brielle. I know that this is an uncomfortable subject for a lot of people (even us at times), but we ask that you put your discomfort aside and join us in our prayer for Brielle. Help us in asking God to heal our baby girl.

No matter the outcome, we will give all glory and praise to God.

Learning to Have Faith

~ lovingbrielle ~ Leave a comment

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These two verses have, for a lack of a better word, haunted me.

“”If you can?” said Jesus. “Everything is possible for him who believes.” Immediately the boy’s father exclaimed, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!” (Mark 9: 23-24).

I have repeatedly asked God, “Please help me, help my unbelief. Please save my daughter.” And I have struggled with this. I know full well that what is bestfor my daughter may not be what I want. I can’t see the whole picture, I only see moments now. I cannot fathom what will happen if she lives or dies, and the consequences associated with each outcome. I also know that if I do not ask, if I do not believe, how can I expect Him to save her?

So I struggle. I think of Abraham and how he knowingly took his only son to be sacrificed, having full faith in the Lord that He would do what was best for Isaac and himself. Abraham’s faith was strong, deep, and admirable. Because of his faith, God provided a ram and Isaac was spared. It was a test of Abraham’s faith and God promised, “…because you have done this and have not withheld your son, your only son, I will surely bless you and make your descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky and as the sand on the seashore. Your descendants will take possession of the cities of their enemies, and through your offspring all nations on earth will be blessed, because you have obeyed me.” (Genesis 22:16-18). And God did bless Abraham. The Jewish nation emerged from Abraham’s descendants and became a great and powerful nation. Jesus came from the Jewish people and went on to bless all nations and all peoples.

I want to have faith like Abraham, granted he also had eighty years on me that he had spent with God. I still want to have faith like that, but I don’t know how. So I beg God to help my unbelief. I want to go up to that altar and trust that God will provide. But I am afraid. I am afraid that the provision will cause me great heartbreak and great pain. If Brielle lives, will her life be one of suffering and pain? Will taking her home to be with Him, be merciful and loving?

Samuel was a strong Godly prophet and was of great use for the Lord. I spend time thinking of Samuel, because of his mother, Hannah. Hannah was barren and she was in deep anguish and grief because she could not have children. So she made a vow to the Lord, “O Lord Almighty, if you will only look upon your servant’s misery and remember me, and not forget your servant but give her a son, then I will give him to the Lord for all the days of his life…” (1 Samuel 1:11). She had a son shortly after her vow and she kept her vow. After her son was weaned, she gave her son to the House of the Lord. He went on to be one of the greatest prophets of the Bible and his whole life he remained faithful to the Lord.

So I offer my daughter, I beg Him to make her a Samuel, to use her for His purposes and to let her life glorify Him. I ask this knowing full well that her purpose may resolve shortly after her birth. And I struggle. I don’t have answers and I don’t know what the plan is. I am afraid. I don’t know how to trust and how to fully believe that He will save her. I want to know how. I want to know that peace, I want to have that level of faith. I pray that God is merciful with me, that He understands my heart and that He chooses to save her, despite my unbelief. He amazes me and I want to know and understand that amazement through faith, through belief. I want to fully believe in complete healing for Brielle and trust that it will happen.

Learning to Ask

~ lovingbrielle ~ Leave a comment

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I have a couple of scheduled posts for today, but I wanted to quickly share what God has done for us today.

Last night I spent a long time in prayer, asking God to help my doubts and unbelief, even though I feel as if he’s telling me Brielle will be okay. I prayed that he would open the right doors and get us an appointment with a neurosurgeon. I prayed that the neurosurgeon we’d meet with would be open and receptive to our case. I prayed for David and the stress he is under.

This morning I woke up to a message from a friend telling me she felt that Brielle would be okay and to not lose faith or hope and to keep on fighting for her. I had not told her anything about my prayer and had not initiated the conversation. David called the neurosurgeon’s office today and we were placed with a different neurosurgeon than the one originally recommended, but who has more experience with cases similar to Brielle’s. He also graduated from Baylor University. We’ve been trying for weeks to get an appointment, David has called multiple times for the past couple weeks alone and has not been able to get through, and today we were given an appointment for October 9. I’m going to take that as an answered prayer and reassurance that Brielle will still be here by then. David has received good news as well today, and is having a wonderful day. In fact, when he called me earlier, he sounded giddy.

God has heard my prayers and he has answered them. God is good and faithful and He will provide. We have a wonderful and loving God and I am thankful, so thankful.

“…You do not have, because you do not ask God.” James 4:2

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.” Matthew 7:7-8

It Will Be Okay

~ lovingbrielle ~ Leave a comment

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One of Brielle’s favorite books is “It Will be Okay” by Lysa TerKeurst. I bought this for Brielle not long after we were given her diagnosis. At the time I was still learning to talk to Brielle and be comfortable having conversations with my belly. It had not occurred to me yet that maybe David and I needed to prepare Brielle for what was coming. Her reaction to this book when we first read it to her was immediate. She was happy and it surprisingly brought comfort to David and I as we read it to her. At times, this was the only book she would respond to and so we would read it, over and over again.

Within a few weeks, I began telling Brielle what was going to happen when she was born and I continue to do this. I tell her how it will be scary. That it will be cold and she might be in pain. I tell her that she is very sick and that she will need to fight hard to stay with Mommy and Daddy, but that if it’s too hard that it is okay for her to go. But I always ask her to hold on just long enough to let me hold her. I want her to be with David or I as she passes. I’ll tell her about the doctors and nurses and how she may not be able to be with Mommy right away, but Daddy will be there, he will be close to her. I tell her to be brave and not to be afraid, that it will all be okay. And no matter what, Mommy and Daddy love her.

I feel like this sweet children’s book helps not only her, but also David and I. The book follows a little seed, who lives in a cozy packet in a cozy shed, and who makes a sweet friend called Little Fox. But then the Farmer (God) takes him out of his cozy packet and puts him deep in the ground. Little Fox and Little Seed are scared and afraid of what will happen. There are two parts that I always love and that even now Brielle just perked up for as I read aloud again.

“Little Fox thought hard for something to say or something to do that would help his friend not be scared. But he was afraid too. ‘It’s different and scary to be someplace new…but it will be okay, Little Seed.’ Little Seed was not so sure. And neither was Little Fox. But the Farmer was good, and the Farmer was kind, and the Farmer was always watching over them. Even when they didn’t know it.”

I often let Brielle know that I’m scared too. And that I don’t want to lose her and I’d do anything to keep her with me. I’ll hold my belly tight and tell her, “But it will be okay, you will be okay, Mommy is just going to miss you.” And I think that’s why I like the ending of this book so much. Brielle and I may be apart for a long time, but one day we’ll be back together again and we’ll have made it through the dark and scary time.

“Together they made it through the dark and scary time, and together they each learned that the Farmer was good, and the Farmer was kind, and the Farmer was always watching over them. Even in dark, messy places.”