We’re staying at The Mansion on Forsyth and checked in after lunch and shopping to freshen up for the evening. As Dad said, “He was now one with Savannah.” Meaning between the humidity, the rain, and a day of walking we were all one with Savannah.
After lunch, we had to go shopping, and on our way to Savannah Bee Company (to get some winter white honey and taste test all the honey) we passed this sign. Which Mom said Dad had to pose under (I’m fairly certain this is a joke that I’m not privy to). We then went to a couple of my favorite stores, Nourish (where I buy my favorite candle) and Paris Market (which is filled with all kinds of antiques and cool things). What did Brielle do? She slept, a full tummy, and shopping with Mommy generally does that to her.
I have good days and bad days. Today is a bad day. I want to sleep and forget this is all happening, but then I start to panic. I only have so much time with her and I’m terrified of wasting it. And then I think about Christmas and how she’ll just have died. And how can I ever travel again? I can’t leave her alone in a cemetery on Christmas. I know it’s just her earthly body, but it’s all I’ll have left, I have to keep her safe.
And how do I deliver her? Her odds of survival double if I have a c section, but I’ve been told never to have abdominal surgery again. It puts me at risk of death and worsening my gastroparesis. How do I chose between our lives? One mother talked about her son having sores on his exposed head after birth, where skin and brain tissue were rubbed off. How can I let that happen to her? Even though I was told she’d never know pain, she’s been showing signs of pain and sensitivity. How can I do that to her? How do I make that decision? I just want my baby to live. I just want to see her grow up, I’m supposed to go first, not her.
lovingbrielle.com 