The Pinterest Trap

July 27, 2016July 26, 2016 ~ lovingbrielle ~ 1 Comment

I’m easily dissatisfied with my things. I look at my Ikea office chairs and only see what’s wrong with them and what I’d rather have. The gash in my breakfast table annoying me, a gash I could fix, but I don’t. Instead of enjoying my living room arm chairs, I’m frustrated with it’s square arms, because I’d rather have a balloon chair.

Sabine-Balloon-Chair-MCR4900 — *sigh* a dreamy balloon chair…

I scroll through Pinterest and Instagram bombarded with perfect pictures. The lighting is just right, the artwork is impeccable, houses polished and designed to perfection. And I feel sub par, shamed by my hand me down white nightstands covered in black dog hair. Frustrated with my flickering Good Will lamp.

Hunter_Living+6 — I am in love with Studio McGee’s design style.

SMH. If only I had an unlimited budget or a large chunk of cash. That would make me happy, right? If only I could design to my heart’s content. If only I could have everything I ever wanted, that would be enough, right?

I know better. Time and time again I’ve given myself exactly what I want, and yes, it makes me happy. I’m pleased with my purchase. Pleased with my shiny new item. But it’s newness fades. And there is always something better around the corner.
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At the end of the day, I realize, I’ve yet to master gratitude. I’m displeased with my things, because I don’t appreciate what I have. I don’t see their value anymore. And I am keenly aware of how this behavior evolves. So I check myself. I wrestle with myself.

Because what happens when the newness wears off of things that matter? What happens when I view others as items and objectify them? When I get frustrated and shamed by my lack luster things, I lose focus on the things that really matter. I spend more time focused on beautiful things, shiny, new things, rather than my family.

Emmy Lou sitting like a big girl and getting snuggles.

And when I step back and watch my dog babies smile for hours because I took them on a walk, I find joy. When I listen to David’s day and find joy in his joy, I find contentment. When I observe the raw beauty of my surroundings, the changing seasons, the mountainous terrain to the north, and the vibrant city to the south, I find peace. My heart is full. My heart is at peace.

Emmy and Rosie’s new neighborhood friend, Rocko.

I come home and my square arm chairs don’t bother me as much. I look at my things and I’m reminded how blessed I really am. I watch my family interact with each other. Rosie giving Emmy sweet kisses, David lighting up with happiness and laughter, while he snuggles all three of our girls (Emmy, Rosie, and Brielle Bear) and I step back and look at how rich in love I am, and I think to myself, “This is enough. This is joy. This is what matters.”

Photo Jul 25, 7 35 07 PM — Rosie helping us catch Pokemon.

Five Years With Rosie

May 3, 2016 ~ lovingbrielle ~ Leave a comment

Today is the fifth anniversary of the day we brought Rosie home from the pound.

I had been looking for a new sister or brother for Emmy. Emmy was bored and was letting me hear about it. She’d walk around the house, give me this, “Mom.” look, and then do her frustrated sighs. I guess I wasn’t interesting enough.

I knew I wanted a large dog, but I was waiting for the right one. I decided to start checking the at risk dog listings. One day, while scrolling through Facebook, I found sweet little Rosie.

A rottweiler, no one really wanted Rosie, and she was sad and lonely. The description stated that she was very sweet, but very shy.

My roommate and I decided to visit Rosie and see if she’d be a good fit with Emmy. When we met Rosie at her cage, she went crazy and started snapping and barking. I put my hand against the chain link fence and she calmed down. She was just scared and didn’t know what was going on. A stray, she weighed just 35 pounds and was incredibly afraid.

We took her into a play area and she and Emmy got along great. Rosie was playful and happy. I decided to adopt her, four hours before she was scheduled to be put down. I thought that even if she didn’t work out in our family, at least I’d be saving her from death. Of course, the moment we brought her home it was clear she belonged with us.

Starved for attention, Rosie would follow us around and snuggle at every opportunity. She was, and is, incredibly loving and kind. Her and Emmy figured out their relationship and now really are just like sisters.

It’s so hard to believe that five years ago we were meeting our little Rose for the first time. I couldn’t imagine our lives without her silliness.

Rosie has been the perfect addition to our family and has brought us so much joy and love. She’s a solid 70 pounds now and a complete Daddy’s Girl. She’ll lay on his chest, look into his eyes, and smile. A big cheeky grin with very stinky breath. We love her so much, especially Emmy. Adopting Rose was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.

God is Good, All The Time

April 18, 2016 ~ lovingbrielle ~ Leave a comment

God is always looking out for us. This afternoon, I took Emmy and Rosie out back. Because of Emmy’s broken paw, David or I have been going out with them to keep an eye on her.

I was busy looking at the trees, when I heard Emmy digging and burrowing her face into a hole in the ground.

I kept yelling at her to stop, but she wouldn’t let up. So I walked over and she moved away. I decided, since, I was over there that I should take a look and see what was bothering her. I imagined it was most likely a lizard or chipmunk. Instead, staring back at me was a snake with a head the size of a large egg. It’s eye alone was the size of a dime.

I walked away and thought, maybe I’m just seeing things, I do have bad eyes. Maybe it’s some giant breed of chipmunk or something (I know, I’m ridiculous). I walked back over, no it’s shiny. Mammals aren’t shiny. I’d walk away, and walk back again. It never moved, never blinked.

“Maybe it’s dead,” I thought. I walked back again, nope, it moved deeper into the hole. I called the girls inside and called David. David, of course, wanted to call animal control, but I was thinking its probably nothing. Again, maybe I’m just seeing things.

David called an animal removal service. The guy came. He looked around, pulled out the leaves from the hole, poked into the tree base (where the hole was), and said, “It’s in the tree.”

I stepped back, “It’s in the tree? It’s nest is in the tree?”

“Oh yeah. Great place for her.”

Her? I immediately began to think about baby snakes all over my yard.

“So, it is a snake?”

He nodded, “Definitely.” He then began to ask me questions about what it looked like. I’d only seen the side of it’s head, so my description wasn’t great.

“Did it have a cat eye?”

“Yes,” there was no hesitation there. That was my first clue that it was a snake to begin with.

“Okay, you have a copperhead.” I took another step back from the tree.

“Great, are there more in the yard then?”

“Most likely.”

He laid out the options for me, and I chose the get the snakes out of my yard option.

I’d planned on finishing the raised garden beds today. I’d planned on raking the leaves today. Not anymore. It’s crazy how life works and how God looks after us.

If Emmy hadn’t broken her paw, I wouldn’t have been out there to see the snake. If Emmy hadn’t seen the snake and tried to kill it, I would have continued to work in my yard with a bunch of venomous snakes.

And the most amazing part of all this is that the snake never tried to hurt Emmy. It never bit her or came after me. And Emmy was openly antagonizing the copperhead. God is good. He is really, really good. Awesome, He’s totally awesome.

Sweet Little Emmy Has a Boo Boo

April 16, 2016April 16, 2016 ~ lovingbrielle ~ Leave a comment

Last night Bernice brought Emmy upstairs to me and worriedly told me something was wrong with Emmy. I, uh, *cough* was busy playing The Sims. Anyways, I went over to Emmy and she was limping.

I checked her whole front paw and leg, in between the pads and everything. And I felt nothing. No blood, no obvious break, and nothing lodged in her paw. Bernice was tearing up, so I told her it was nothing to worry about, it was most likely a sprain.

Emmy was doing her, “Mommy, don’t leave me” face. So we snuggled for a while, but she didn’t stop doing her anxious panting or her “I need Mommy” face. I thought she needed an ice pack, “This will make it better!” I thought.

I told Emmy to stay there and even though she didn’t want me to leave her, she stayed, until she heard the ice maker. And then I heard her hobbling down the stairs. Poor baby made it to the landing and then stopped. But when she saw me, she began to come the rest of the way down.

I sat on the floor and opened my arms for snuggles. She happily came over. Then I tried to put the ice pack on her paw. It was like the world was coming to an end. She had a full on conniption. And she looked at me like I had violated her in some way, it was just an ice pack. Ugh.

After she calmed down from that drama, we were able to snuggle again. I kept an eye on her all evening and could tell she was in horrible pain. The worst I’d seen her since we had some early stage cancer removed. Thankfully, we had some left over pain pills and after we gave her those, she fell asleep.

I told David that we needed to take her to the vet in the morning, she was in too much pain. It had to be bad if she didn’t want any of her toys, including her antlers, and was letting Rosie chew on both antlers. Those are fighting words and she didn’t move a muscle.

By the middle of the night I was freaking out that it was something neurological. What if the cancer came back in her brain? Or what if there’s a mass on her spine I can’t feel?

David carried her up and down all of our stairs and she let him, something she’s never done before. And she let him put her in the Suburban and carry her into the vet. I knew she must be in horrible pain.

The vet checked out the paw and did an x ray, sure enough, Emmy broke her pinky toe on her front right paw. Poor baby. Thankfully, it was a clean break, but because it’s in a weird place on her paw it will take a long time to heal.

Because it’s a Saturday, they didn’t have time to splint the paw, so they wrapped her paw and leg up and we’ll be going back in a couple weeks to have it checked out and splinted (is splinted a word?). She also has lots of pain pills.

Of course, I’m relieved it’s nothing too serious, but I’m sad that she’ll have to spend the rest of the cooler months indoors or resting. Fall, winter, and spring are her favorite seasons. She’ll stay outside for hours, just enjoying the day, chasing squirrels. She’ll have to leave that to Rosie for the next few months.

I’m so proud of my little Emmy. She’s been such a strong girl. No whining and no complaining, even though she had every right to. I’ve been snuggling her as much as I can, I have to baby my little girl! I just hope this break heals well and only takes a couple of months. She’s been such a good girl through all of this, she’s my sweet Emmy Lou.

My Birthday Celebration

October 19, 2015January 15, 2016 ~ lovingbrielle ~ Leave a comment

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My 25th birthday started out a bit rough, as mentioned previously. By the time David came home I was in much better spirits, but I still wasn’t thrilled about the day, to say the least. We decided to open gifts first since our reservations weren’t until 8:30. My parents had sent a good size Amazon box and an outfit they had ordered a few weeks ago arrived as well. David loves to spoil me (be worried about our children) so he bought me a romance novel, a K-Drama that I love, flowers, a cake, and a gift card to the spa for after Brielle is born. He also got me a very sweet card. He loves me.

I opened my parent’s box and was so surprised. It was filled with things for Brielle! Happy patterns and cute newborn outfits. I was so excited by them. David said in a disappointed voice, “Your parents outdid me this year.” He was not happy about that lol. I spent quite a bit of time looking at each thing and putting the newborn outfits together. David was excited about them too, but kind of jealous that I wasn’t as excited about his gifts. Poor David. Seeing all of those things for Brielle made me so happy and cheered me up. It was so fun imagining her chubby, little legs kicking out of her onesie. So cute! David then said, “How do you put those things on and how do you change a diaper? Do you take the whole outfit off?” It hadn’t occurred to me that I needed to teach David how to do those things. We needed to have a crash course on babies.

We had a nice dinner out, which Brielle enjoyed as well. We have a bit of problem there, she enjoys expensive steak a bit too much. We’re not continuing that for her after she’s born. Mommy and Daddy are still having good steak though.

When we came home, David grabbed Brielle’s American Girl doll, Grace, and I set up a station on the coffee table to teach David how to change a diaper. That was interesting. Not because of David, but because the doll was not flexible – at all. We had a lot of fun though! David did such a good job, he’s worried he won’t do it right, I kept telling him that he will know. He’ll know what to do and he is already doing such a great job. He said he wanted to be a good daddy. I told him he was already a great daddy. Brielle loves him so much! He’s still worried, but hopefully not as much. To be fair, it is quite a bit to take in and learn when you’ve never been around newborns before.

Saturday we saw The Martian, which was good. We have read the book a couple of times and the book is hysterical, terrible language, but hilarious. The movie was not so funny. We still had fun and Brielle liked it too. After the movie we went to a Carter’s store and bought Brielle a bunch of outfits. That was so much fun! We both enjoyed that, David was amazed at how tiny everything was. I even had fun doing laundry that night. I washed all of Brielle’s little clothes and blankets. It made me so happy to fold a little stack just for her.

Overall I had a great birthday weekend. It started out really rough, but spending time with my sweet family was all I needed. I got to spoil my little girl, eat cake, spend time with David, and get dog snuggles from my sweet fur children. And we had an amazing Sunday. It was an emotional birthday, but a great one.

887348_940871352640992_6837738366118753726_o — Look at Rosie and Emmy. Do you think they want cake?

12109902_940871342640993_8907921391288013321_o — My white cake with white buttercream cake.

11228932_940871345974326_4231660383660682930_o — Look at all the gifts Brielle and I got!

12132393_940871435974317_2050251973577839347_o — David trying his best to put clothes on the doll.

12095087_940871399307654_3976364441139726087_o — Still trying…

12109916_940871449307649_7803716643762127171_o — He did it!