My Birthday Celebration

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My 25th birthday started out a bit rough, as mentioned previously. By the time David came home I was in much better spirits, but I still wasn’t thrilled about the day, to say the least. We decided to open gifts first since our reservations weren’t until 8:30. My parents had sent a good size Amazon box and an outfit they had ordered a few weeks ago arrived as well. David loves to spoil me (be worried about our children) so he bought me a romance novel, a K-Drama that I love, flowers, a cake, and a gift card to the spa for after Brielle is born. He also got me a very sweet card. He loves me.

I opened my parent’s box and was so surprised. It was filled with things for Brielle! Happy patterns and cute newborn outfits. I was so excited by them. David said in a disappointed voice, “Your parents outdid me this year.” He was not happy about that lol. I spent quite a bit of time looking at each thing and putting the newborn outfits together. David was excited about them too, but kind of jealous that I wasn’t as excited about his gifts. Poor David. Seeing all of those things for Brielle made me so happy and cheered me up. It was so fun imagining her chubby, little legs kicking out of her onesie. So cute! David then said, “How do you put those things on and how do you change a diaper? Do you take the whole outfit off?” It hadn’t occurred to me that I needed to teach David how to do those things. We needed to have a crash course on babies.

We had a nice dinner out, which Brielle enjoyed as well. We have a bit of problem there, she enjoys expensive steak a bit too much. We’re not continuing that for her after she’s born. Mommy and Daddy are still having good steak though.

When we came home, David grabbed Brielle’s American Girl doll, Grace, and I set up a station on the coffee table to teach David how to change a diaper. That was interesting. Not because of David, but because the doll was not flexible – at all. We had a lot of fun though! David did such a good job, he’s worried he won’t do it right, I kept telling him that he will know. He’ll know what to do and he is already doing such a great job. He said he wanted to be a good daddy. I told him he was already a great daddy. Brielle loves him so much! He’s still worried, but hopefully not as much. To be fair, it is quite a bit to take in and learn when you’ve never been around newborns before.

Saturday we saw The Martian, which was good. We have read the book a couple of times and the book is hysterical, terrible language, but hilarious. The movie was not so funny. We still had fun and Brielle liked it too. After the movie we went to a Carter’s store and bought Brielle a bunch of outfits. That was so much fun! We both enjoyed that, David was amazed at how tiny everything was. I even had fun doing laundry that night. I washed all of Brielle’s little clothes and blankets. It made me so happy to fold a little stack just for her.

Overall I had a great birthday weekend. It started out really rough, but spending time with my sweet family was all I needed. I got to spoil my little girl, eat cake, spend time with David, and get dog snuggles from my sweet fur children. And we had an amazing Sunday. It was an emotional birthday, but a great one.

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Look at Rosie and Emmy. Do you think they want cake?
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My white cake with white buttercream cake.
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Look at all the gifts Brielle and I got!
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David trying his best to put clothes on the doll.
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Still trying…
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He did it!

Brielle’s Baby Shower

Saturday I was given a surprise baby shower for Brielle. I am in a group of wonderful ladies that also suffer from gastroparesis. A condition where the stomach organ is paralyzed. I’ve struggled with gastroparesis for nearly ten years now. The past three or so years I’ve had the pleasure of getting to know this wonderful group of women. We are all very different, but have grown close through our struggles with gastroparesis, but also through sharing our lives and becoming good friends.

They each sent me cards to open on Saturday, and then they sent a large envelope that I was instructed to open last. Each card was beautiful, uplifting, and encouraging. And I treasure each one. The final envelope was truly a big surprise. The group had not only donated to Duke University (where they research anencephaly), but had bought Brielle a star!

David and I were so excited about her star! We’ve wanted to get one for her, but have not had the time or energy to look into it. This was a huge surprise and greatly appreciated. It was so sweet and made me feel so good to have a shower for Brielle, especially such a special one. This will be something I tuck away in my heart forever.

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A Love Letter to David

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I can no longer clip my toenails. So a couple of weeks ago, late at night, David clipped my toenails. As he was doing this, he stopped and said, “Thank you for carrying Brielle. Thank you for doing all of the hard work.” I didn’t really know what to say. He was thanking me as he clipped my toenails. He comes home from work and says, “You’re the best wife and best mommy.” He then leans down and rubs on Brielle, gives her a kiss and says, “Hello baby Brielle! How’s my beautiful girl today? Daddy missed you!” Brielle generally starts moving excitedly when she hears him talking to her and rubbing on her.

David will then begin to clean up the kitchen, prepare dinner, and as I apologize and begin to help him, he tells me to go sit down. He asks me what I’ve found today. And as he takes care of the house and me, I tell him about what new discovery I’ve made today for anencephaly research. He remains attentive even when I can see his eyes glaze over, mostly because not everyone shares the same enthusiasm as I do for cerebral hemorrhaging. We chat over dinner about his day and then he gets up and cleans up dinner. He does this all after having extremely stressful days at work.

Most days, I sit and think, “I do not deserve him.” I’m so thankful for him. He stays strong for me when I can’t physically keep up or emotionally when I’m deep in my own grief. He’s not angry with me for not keeping up with the house, having dinner planned, or waking him up at one in the morning so that he can read to Brielle. He understands and helps me shoulder the burden.

I think what is even more wonderful about him, is that he knows it’s okay to be vulnerable with me too. I don’t need a husband who keeps his hurt and pain from me. I need a husband that I can grieve with. And in those moments I stay strong and let him hold onto Brielle and deal with his own anguish. A few days after we were given Brielle’s diagnosis, I told David, “I need you to be here with me. I need you to hurt with me. I don’t want you to hide it. That wont fix it, it wont make me feel better. It will just make me feel more alone, isolated, like I’m the only one in this.”

And so, as hard as it is for him, he lets himself grieve with me. I think more of him for being honest with me, being honest with himself and how he feels. On the days he can’t keep up, I let him lean on me, and on the days I can’t keep up, he let’s me lean on him.

I love David more now than I ever have. We could have let this tear us apart, let it drive a wedge between us, but instead we’ve chosen to let it bring us closer together. We’ve chosen to use this pain for good. Some days he comes home and we sit and cry through dinner together. Some days he comes home and we laugh and joke about the funny things of the day. He’s with me through it all. He’s there for every good moment and every bad moment. I couldn’t have asked for a better husband or partner through this journey. And Brielle could not have been given a better daddy.