My Failings As A Wife: Part One


Maybe I’m too sensitive. Or maybe I’m justified. I’m not sure if it really matters. Some days, some moments are more difficult than others. When I step back and look at my marriage I’m very happy. I’m loved, respected, and adored. But little things turn into big things and big things get heavier and heavier.

And I have moments where I throw my hands in the air, look him in the eyes, and say, “I’m done with this. I want out. I don’t want to do this anymore.”

I throw ultimatums at him, reach my breaking point, and in a rage, I storm out of the conversation. It’s not because I don’t love him. I’m not wanting to hurt him. It’s simple really, I am flawed and, at times, I am an imperfect wife.

I’ve walked. I’ve slammed the door and left. I’ve ignored his calls. Ignored his attempts at reconciliation. But even in my anger, I can’t burn through the love I do have for him.

I come back, my anger long gone, and I’m welcomed back with open arms. I feel embarrassed, foolish, and ashamed, but David loves me unconditionally, even when I’m an angry unlovable mess. He doesn’t hold my outbursts over my head, it’s forgiven and forgotten.

David is, more often than not, the calm eye in the center of my storming emotions. I feel everything strongly and, with him, I am my most authentic self. He has never once asked me to change or hide my feelings, even when I’m raging.

His patience encourages me to be better. Kinder. I can’t change my personality, but I can change my reactions. I can correct my flaws and be a better wife.

I am thankful that David gives me the time and encouragement I need to work on my patience, my snarky mouth, my emotional immaturity, and, most importantly, my foolishness.

Dreamy Bungalows & Stress Free Days

Image found here.

Lately, life has been incredibly demanding. I’ve mentioned it before, but David and I are under so much stress. Thankfully, things are beginning to look better and we’re starting to see the light. I’ll talk more about that in a few days. But all of this stress has really made David and I think about the type of life we want and need.
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It’s been almost five months since Bernice moved in. Some things have been easier than I expected and some things have been far more difficult than I imagined. Of course, David and I love and care for Bernice, but it has been a challenge at times to not lose our minds. She keeps me busy or exhausted most days and, until recently, I haven’t had much of a break.


Home of Jimmy Laughlin and Jacob Dorsett,2361901_Laugh
Image found here.

She wants laundry done every day. I don’t have time to take care of her and the things going on in the house. It’s all overwhelming. And David and I have found ourselves more and more burdened by our things. I have entire areas of the house I don’t even step into for weeks at a time. If I haven’t used those things in those rooms, why do I need them? They’re just one more thing, on my already full to do list, to maintain. I resent my things. And I find myself craving a simpler life.

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So I spend my time pouring over small cottages and bungalows. Looking at their dreamy yards and bright spaces. The challenge of fitting our over sized life into a smaller existence, exciting me. Imagine, having the entire house clean in a day. Or opening my closet and not finding junk stuffed in the corners. *sigh* Better yet, stepping out into the backyard for my morning coffee (*cough* early afternoon) and being surrounded by the smell of garden roses.

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Image found here.

It sounds so nice. And I do enjoy dreaming just a little bit too much. So, for now, David and I will stay where we are (which we are very happy at), but today, I’m going to play pretend and dream about living in these adorable bungalows.

Image found here.