My Failings As A Wife: Part One

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Maybe I’m too sensitive. Or maybe I’m justified. I’m not sure if it really matters. Some days, some moments are more difficult than others. When I step back and look at my marriage I’m very happy. I’m loved, respected, and adored. But little things turn into big things and big things get heavier and heavier.

And I have moments where I throw my hands in the air, look him in the eyes, and say, “I’m done with this. I want out. I don’t want to do this anymore.”

I throw ultimatums at him, reach my breaking point, and in a rage, I storm out of the conversation. It’s not because I don’t love him. I’m not wanting to hurt him. It’s simple really, I am flawed and, at times, I am an imperfect wife.

I’ve walked. I’ve slammed the door and left. I’ve ignored his calls. Ignored his attempts at reconciliation. But even in my anger, I can’t burn through the love I do have for him.

I come back, my anger long gone, and I’m welcomed back with open arms. I feel embarrassed, foolish, and ashamed, but David loves me unconditionally, even when I’m an angry unlovable mess. He doesn’t hold my outbursts over my head, it’s forgiven and forgotten.

David is, more often than not, the calm eye in the center of my storming emotions. I feel everything strongly and, with him, I am my most authentic self. He has never once asked me to change or hide my feelings, even when I’m raging.

His patience encourages me to be better. Kinder. I can’t change my personality, but I can change my reactions. I can correct my flaws and be a better wife.

I am thankful that David gives me the time and encouragement I need to work on my patience, my snarky mouth, my emotional immaturity, and, most importantly, my foolishness.

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