In case you’ve been hiding under a rock, today we are celebrating Brielle’s beautiful life! David invited our closest family and friends. We weren’t entirely sure how well we’d do today and we really didn’t feel like blubbering in front of everyone. I’m hoping we’ll be too happy to blubber, we’ll see!
I’ll post more about her cake later today, but for the food we chose to have Papasito’s catered. Brielle loved the mariachi band when we went there for Mexico Independence Day and I thought it was a perfect way to bring that element into the party. Not to mention a lot easier than cooking.
We’ll be having her playlist on throughout the day and as we all know, she loved her music. Queue one of her favorites:
Before Brielle was born, I wanted to throw her a big party, but for various reasons it didn’t happen. This has bothered me ever since. The week before she was born should have been about her and it wasn’t. In many ways, this party is my chance to rectify that for her and myself. I would like to think she will be looking down and watching our celebration for her and that she’ll know how much I wanted to spoil her and treasure her.
I’ve ordered five three foot pink balloons. I’m pulling out the nice dinner ware. I’ve bought her a dress (I wanted something schmancy, but that’s pretty hard to find in 18″ doll size), and we’re surrounding ourselves with those who understand our quirky way of grieving.
I am so excited to share this day with them and with you all. One of the greatest gifts you all gave David and I was love for our daughter. In so many ways, y’alls love and encouragement helped make our time with her joyful.
Mommy and Brielle posing with the very sleepy kangaroos.
David and I have laughed about this moment over and over again. Poor Brielle was so disturbed, she just didn’t understand what was going on. She was such a sweet baby. We had to coax her out and give her lots of love and encouragement. I light up when I remember this moment and how silly she was. She had so much personality!
“Earlier this week, David was playing with Brielle and she was so happy. Dancing and squirming. He then said, “I’m going to blow on Mommy’s tummy!” He then blew a raspberry on my tummy. The fun and games stopped right there. He did it right on her face and she immediately stopped moving. I’m dying laughing, Brielle is trying to run away, and David is saying, “I’m such a bad Daddy!” Poor baby had no idea what that horrifying sound was and David felt horrible that he had scared her. She didn’t move for an hour. Poor baby, I kept telling her it was ok, and David kept apologizing to her. Needless to say, we won’t be doing that again.”
This picture taken a few days before she got the razz. The zoo trip was also one of my favorite memories. I have too many favorite memories!!
I know that many have been upset by the election of Trump and have chosen to act out violently in response. I also know that there are those who feel free, under a Trump presidency, to unleash their racist, homophobic, xenophobic beliefs in sickening acts of hostility. I’m not here to add another voice to the madness of politics, rather I wish to call on my fellow Christians during this season of political and social upheaval.
As Christians we are called to spread love and peace. To serve those who suffer and to live a life beneath others. In our materialistic American world we’ve lost sight of that and we’ve all suffered. We’ve grown complacent. We don’t wish to offend. We are too busy to do one more thing. I understand, really, I do.
We all know we have failings. We all, no matter religion or political party, hear about our many flaws on a constant loop. And again, I’m not here to go into that.
What I ask, as one Christian to another, is that we band together and serve the hurting hearts of our country. Let those who lost this election have their protest. Pray over them. Bless them. Bring them food and water. Listen to their feelings and fears. Encourage them in their despair.
Quiet the voice inside you that wishes to gloat, to speak of your feelings, to draw attention to your pain. Yes, I know, many of you have felt (and are) oppressed, persecuted, and patronized for being conservative. Let them persecute you and instead give them your kindness, your generosity. As we often do not know why we do foolish things, so is true of those who are afraid and hurting.
“Forgive them, for they know not what they do.” Luke 23:34
We all want the same thing, a unified country, we want peace. Ultimately someone has to humble themselves and reach out with open arms. As Christians this is our calling.
“Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” John 13:34-35
As Christians we all have a specific calling and duty in Christ. I encourage you to use your gifts and calling in this time to encourage and uplift the hurting. For those that are unsure what their calling or gifts are; I encourage you to ask God for revelation and guidance and to speak to a trusted mentor in the faith.
In the same way, I encourage my fellow Christians to listen to the voice of the church and openly, in Christ’s name and love, rebuke those who carry words of hate and a lukewarm faith. Now is not the time to be proud and selfish. This is a season of humility, responsibility, revival, and rebirth. Do not lose your way in a sea of hateful and foolish speech.
“As for those who persist in sin, rebuke them in the presence of all, so that the rest may stand in fear.” [Paul instructing Timothy in regard to the church.] 1 Timothy 5:20
“If anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted.” Galatians 6:1
“All scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness…” 2 Timothy 3:16
Most importantly, I strongly remind those in the faith to remember that rebuke is to be given to those within the church, not to those outside of Christianity.
“I wrote to you in my letter not to associate with sexually immoral people – not at all meaning the sexually immoral of this world [those not in the faith], or the greedy and swindlers, or idolaters, since then you would need to go out of the world. But now I am writing to you not to associate with anyone who bears the name of brother [Christian] if he is guilty of sexual immorality or greed, or is an idolater, reviler, drunkard, or swindler-not even to eat with such a one. For what have I to do with judging outsiders? Is it not those inside the church whom you are to judge? God judges those outside. ‘Purge the evil person from among you.'” 1 Corinthians 5:9-13
Modern examples of this behavior (I imagine you understand drunkard and sexual immorality):
Greed: Selfish desire for something, especially wealth, power, or food. Materialism (materialism is one of my greatest struggles), self-indulgence, lust
Idolatry: Extreme admiration, love, or reverence for something or someone. i.e. celebrity preachers, self-gratification over worship, busyness (I’m guilty of this), personal prosperity (I struggle with this), treasuring anything more than God (even our loved ones), a desire to please others more than God (I’m guilty of this), sexual stimulation, education, career, etc. Great article here.
Revile: criticize in an abusive or angrily insulting manner. Denounce, slander, vilify, bad mouth. i.e. speaking poorly of baby boomers, speaking poorly of millennials, criticizing Clinton voters, criticizing Trump voters, disliking those who differ from you, speaking against those who have different beliefs
(I have been and can be a reviler at times, aren’t we all? Thank God he convicts us of our foolishness! I’d be a bigoted angry mess without him.)
Swindler: use deception to deprive of money or possessions. i.e. fraud, cheat, deceive, deceiving other Christians with the amount you put in the offering plate, using the church for personal gain or even power, Christians can swindle more than money
I encourage my fellow Christians to ask God to purge any evil within yourselves, purify your heart before God, and follow his calling for your life so that we can unite this once great nation. Politics and intelligent conversation will never unite us, but Jesus can, love can.
“…Perfect love drives out fear…” 1 John 4:18
We are to be the balm to aching souls, but to many we have become a poison. We can only correct this through humility and God’s grace and guidance. We have purpose, we have a calling, and I am calling on you to join me in uniting a fractured nation, not through politics or grand gestures, but through Jesus Christ and his love.
Can we just take a moment of silence for my horrific selfie skills (or lack thereof)? This would be my deer in the headlights look. No worries, this face is awkwardly reserved for my front facing camera.
You know, I expected this whole random acts of kindness to be nice and uplifting for David and I. Instead it feels more like a burden and something I’ve saddled myself with and I’m left thinking, “What was I thinking?!”
Tuesday was planned to be a day where David and I would go to Dave & Buster’s and attach paid game cards to the machines. For those of you who are new, Dave & Buster’s was where Brielle had her first Father’s Day. It sounded like a great idea. I was genuinely excited at the thought of blessing others on a day when most would be stressed, anxious, and nervous over the election.
But when I couldn’t find my jeans in the piles of wadded up clean clothing mixed with dirty clothing and had to put on my, I can barely move, skinny jeans I was about in hysterics. However, hysteria would require breathing and that wasn’t really possible.
This compounded with, “Do we just tape the cards to the machines? Do we hand them out? No, that’s weird. Do we print out a message with them? Would anyone read them? Does it matter? Do we write the blog address on the note? Is that like advertising? That’s weird, right? Why didn’t I plan this out sooner? What in the world is Brielle Bear going to wear?”
Dogs barking. Everyone’s hungry. Bernice doesn’t understand why we want to do things for Brielle and is confused.
I finally threw my hands in the air and said, “This was supposed to be a fun night and instead it’s a nightmare!”
We stayed home. Bought Brielle’s birthday dress. Ate chicken noodle soup and watched the news. And for an hour I was mad at myself. I wanted to do this right. I wanted to make something good out of this whole situation.
But I had to step back and think about what was realistic and what was best for all of us today. And I had to be honest with myself, I took on more than I could handle. I took on a bunch of good things, but just because it’s a good thing or a good idea doesn’t mean I should do it.
Me, doing my best with milk and oatmeal creme pies (yes multiple). Who cares if they’re fat bombs? They’re delicious.
So I’m just going to do my best. And really be kinder to myself, for crying out loud Brielle died a year ago, and I’m running around like a chicken with it’s head cut off and then I’m feeling guilty and like I failed.
Brielle died, I don’t need to be super woman, I just need to take a chill pill. Now if someone could just smack me on the head every morning and remind me, that’d be great.
Oh, and my jeans? Found them. They were mixed in with the half clean half dirty Bernice pile, naturally.
On the bright side my hair was on point today. This is my, “I hate selfies” face.
*Sorry for the late posting, I wrote this on Monday!*
Re-posting, just in case you missed it the first time.
I hope you are all doing well. Today we are starting our random acts of kindness stuff (really having a hard time finding the right word) with a truck full of donations to charity. I’ve been in the process of cleaning out our house and streamlining our stuff to the bare minimum. It’s been great and freeing.
I do feel a bit weird calling it a random act of kindness since I feel like I’m gaining in this situation, but we’re going to roll with it. But hey, I wanted to do good things for Brielle’s birthday…and life has been busy, not to mention kind of painful, so here’s to doing the best you can! And I do have to say it’s so nice knowing we’re starting another year since Brielle died, without the things of our past cluttering up our life. I feel like I can breathe a little easier. As if my never ending to do list has shrunk and is almost manageable.
We will be doing something different each day of the week and then Saturday we will be celebrating! I’m excited for Saturday and plan on sharing some sweet videos and pictures of Brielle Bear and filling the day with happy memories of her.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I don’t want Brielle’s life to feel sad and I don’t want her birthday to be sad either. We were given a sweet blessing, that we were able to share with the world, and Saturday is a day that can be celebrated, because I know that I got to be the mommy of the sweetest little girl there ever was! And I’m not biased at all.
Did you guys know that most of you wont even read my posts unless I have a picture attached to them? Doesn’t matter what kind of picture either. Maybe I’ll just post memes that make me laugh, so that you can enjoy my humor while you read about my feelings. Then I get to laugh after I’ve written a serious post. 😉
I encourage you to participate in this celebration and if we all lived near to one another I’d want to celebrate with you all personally, but we don’t, so this is my way of bringing the party to you all. I hope this week and this coming Saturday is a little bit brighter for you.
We’ve cried together, laughed together, and grown together and I look forward to coming together again this week.
lovingbrielle.com 