Countdown to Brielle Day: Day One

*Sorry for the late posting, I wrote this on Monday!*

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Re-posting, just in case you missed it the first time. 

I hope you are all doing well. Today we are starting our random acts of kindness stuff (really having a hard time finding the right word) with a truck full of donations to charity. I’ve been in the process of cleaning out our house and streamlining our stuff to the bare minimum. It’s been great and freeing.

I do feel a bit weird calling it a random act of kindness since I feel like I’m gaining in this situation, but we’re going to roll with it. But hey, I wanted to do good things for Brielle’s birthday…and life has been busy, not to mention kind of painful, so here’s to doing the best you can! And I do have to say it’s so nice knowing we’re starting another year since Brielle died, without the things of our past cluttering up our life. I feel like I can breathe a little easier. As if my never ending to do list has shrunk and is almost manageable.

We will be doing something different each day of the week and then Saturday we will be celebrating! I’m excited for Saturday and plan on sharing some sweet videos and pictures of Brielle Bear and filling the day with happy memories of her.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I don’t want Brielle’s life to feel sad and I don’t want her birthday to be sad either. We were given a sweet blessing, that we were able to share with the world, and Saturday is a day that can be celebrated, because I know that I got to be the mommy of the sweetest little girl there ever was! And I’m not biased at all. 

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Did you guys know that most of you wont even read my posts unless I have a picture attached to them? Doesn’t matter what kind of picture either. Maybe I’ll just post memes that make me laugh, so that you can enjoy my humor while you read about my feelings. Then I get to laugh after I’ve written a serious post. 😉

I encourage you to participate in this celebration and if we all lived near to one another I’d want to celebrate with you all personally, but we don’t, so this is my way of bringing the party to you all. I hope this week and this coming Saturday is a little bit brighter for you.

We’ve cried together, laughed together, and grown together and I look forward to coming together again this week.

Brielle Is Turning One!

David and I are very excited to invite you all to Brielle’s first birthday! David and I will be spending the month leading up to her birthday remembering our favorite moments with Brielle and performing random acts of kindness in her honor. 

I would love to hear your favorite memories of Brielle and I would love for you all to join us in performing random acts of kindness in Brielle’s memory. I can’t think of a better way to honor her life and would love to hear about the things you all have done in her memory. 

I’ll be posting suggestions and ideas for the next month as we prepare for this huge milestone. The weeks leading up to Brielle’s birthday, and the day itself, will be very hard for us. David and I want to find the good and the blessings in her life, we want to celebrate her, just as we did while she was alive. I encourage you all to join us in finding the good as we prepare to celebrate Brielle’s first heavenly birthday. 

David’s Father’s Day Weekend

David and I spent this past weekend with family and celebrating Brielle. Saturday afternoon we had a really nice visit with Bernice. We had a great conversation and she was incredibly clear, even giving David some much needed encouragement. It was great to see her doing so well.

We then went to David’s second cousins wedding. David’s dad was the youngest child and David is the youngest child, so David and his second cousin, Jimmy, are just six months apart. I love it and think it’s hilarious.

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Jimmy has been a great source of encouragement to David as we’ve dealt with the loss of Brielle. He’s a great guy who’s always there when you need him. I count myself lucky to have a friend like him and to be a part of his family. That being said, we were very excited to see him marry Tammy.

The wedding was beautiful, one of the prettiest weddings I’ve ever attended. It was outside, the weather was perfect, everyone that came loved Jimmy and Tammy, it was just wonderful. And I’m so glad we were able to attend. I love David’s family, they are incredibly kind and have been very accepting of me.

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We came home that night and took Brielle to church with us in the morning. David dressed her bear in her Star Wars dress, she was so cute! Dr. Cooper was on fire that morning and gave an incredible talk on David and Goliath. The talk is part of his valleys series, God guiding us through the valleys of life. David and I love attending Mt Paran, Dr. Cooper has a message that speaks directly to us, every single week, and we always feel the spirit of God there. I’ll talk more about this message later.

Sunday evening, for Father’s Day, we took Brielle back to Dave and Buster’s and recreated the photo booth picture. It felt so good to celebrate her again. It hurt to remember the pain of her absence, but it felt good to remember all the love and happiness we shared with her.

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I think that’s one of the hardest things about grief, figuring out how to move forward. David, who has worked past the numb stage of grief, unlike me, held my hand and said, “I didn’t know how to go on. She was our world and now there’s nothing left. But this feels good, I want to celebrate her, I want to do all the things with her that we didn’t have the time for, like fly a kite. I want to keep doing her bucket list.”

This kind of took me off guard, so I was a little shocked, but David was sure, this is how he wants to move forward. So I said okay. We’ll make a new bucket list. We took her back to D&B and then, not feeling like video games, we decided to see Finding Dory. Which is a great movie.

We left Brielle in the car and later regretted it. It’s hard knowing where to take her and where not to take her. It can be embarrassing at times, carrying around a dressed up teddy bear, no one knows it’s an urn bear. And sometimes we feel silly, but then, like this Sunday, we regret it.

We’ll do better in the future. We’re still figuring out our new normal. But, at least, this incredibly sad anniversary, ended up being a very good weekend.

Thank You, Jeralyn!

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This is a very special post to me and something I’ve been planning and wanting to do right for a long time.

Jeralyn S. used to take care of me when I was a baby. She attended church at Airport Freeway where my family attended when I was young. And when she found out about Brielle she took it on herself to dote on Brielle just as she had doted on me. She has been sending David, Brielle, and I handmade cards throughout Brielle’s life and recently sent us a sweet Little Mermaid dress for her American Girl Doll, Grace (which also fits Brielle’s urn bear!). 

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And even more recently, she sent Brielle an adorable Star Wars dress. David and I are in love with it.

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These cards mean more than she’ll ever know to David and I. She would write special messages to Brielle and I would read them to her. David would come home and get a big smile on his face as he read them. Each card was unique and different and we had so much fun seeing what Jeralyn had sent us! David especially loved the Star Wars themed card she sent for him. 

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Her cards always arrived when we needed them most and brought us joy when we were often deep in despair. I am so thankful to Jeralyn and her incredible kindness to my family. She has been such a blessing to us and especially to sweet Brielle. Thank you, Jeralyn, for everything you’ve done for my family.

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Happy Easter!

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The three of us at the "Smilebooth" at church this morning.

I hope you all have a great Easter today. David, Brielle Bear, and I went to church this morning and we’re spending the day with David’s mom and his nephew, Matt.

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All three of my girl's Easter baskets.

We make Easter baskets every year for Emmy and Rosie, our dog children, and we made one for Brielle this year too.

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We filled Brielle’s basket with some of her favorite candy: Starbursts, Skittles, and Air Heads. And then we added some things for David and me too.

It’s been a bittersweet day for us. It has been very hard seeing other sweet little babies dressed up for the holiday, but at the same time because of Jesus’s sacrifice we can be with Brielle again and that is something to celebrate.