Today is the day. It’s hard to believe that in five hours we will be holding sweet Brielle. David and I are doing our best, but we’re a nervous wreck. Thank you for the prayers and love during this time, we can’t tell you how much it means to us. Here’s a picture of Brielle with the Coke bear. We had a lot of fun with her this week and made a lot of good memories with her and my family.
My cesarean has been scheduled for Thursday (November 12) at 12:00 PM. We are to arrive at the hospital at 9:00 AM.
Brielle was a sleepy head on Sunday. I think she wore herself out. Brielle didn’t really dance to the music, she liked the last two songs before the sermon. The sermon was very good and about God’s timing and plan. How he sometimes answers very quickly and other times takes forever to answer prayers. This was encouraging to me, I so hope that God reveals a complete healing for Brielle in a couple days. I’m coming to accept the situation no matter what happens and trust God though this. But, like I kept saying to God during this service, I’m so scared, I’m scared of losing my baby. I need to mother her and it breaks my heart to think of losing her. I know God understands this and I hope he spares me that pain.
We went to Stoney River for lunch. I had my usual and introduced my family to the place. They were all big fans of Stone Pups. Which who isn’t? Brielle was so excited for her steak and au gratin potatoes. Especially the potatoes. It was so cute! She finally woke up when she started tasting her favorites! We all had a great time out and laughed a lot, caught up on things, and just enjoyed our time. We had a fun lunch and I enjoyed feeling Brielle kick around and punch around. She felt very happy.
On the way home I played her playlist and “Iron Man” came on. She loved it and danced around. Dad said she was going to be a metal head. She is so funny. That evening we started Beauty and the Beast (my favorite Disney movie, I wore the tape out when I was a little girl). Brielle really liked the movie! She was scared of Beast at first and would hide in my tummy when he would roar or let his temper flare. I kept telling her he was really nice on the inside. Eventually she came around. Tessa brought over snickerdoodles during the movie and Brielle went crazy for them! She did her big kicks, where my belly jumps. Mom got to feel those, and I’m glad she did. By the time we watched the movie, Brielle had finally adjusted to my family and was getting back to her wiggly happy self. Mom got to feel her kick quite a bit. Dad tried, but he was on the wrong side. Tessa tried too and said she felt water moving, but couldn’t really feel Brielle. It’s one of the negatives about having all of this fluid. Brielle had a lot of fun tonight. She danced and wiggled.
She responded to the movie and loved her cookies! When we watched the funny movie tonight that we had watched the night before, she started wiggling again too. I think she likes that movie too, or just likes that David and I are laughing so much. She is so aware, it is incredibly hard to believe that part of her brain is missing. I spent some time after the movies just hanging out with my family and that was nice. It was nice just being around them, I see them so little that it was nice to catch up.
Here is an update on Saturday. Jen (a friend of ours) found Munchkin’s owner, whose real name is Lucas, but we still call him Munchkin. That afternoon his owner came and picked him up. Both were very happy to be reunited! We were also very happy to have the house back to normal. Munchkin spent the night crying and wanting snuggles, he’s a big baby lol.
We took it really easy all day. We watched Pocahontas and I ate skittles, popcorn, and chocolate milk (a well balanced diet). Brielle had so much fun! She loved the movie and loved her treats, she has always loved chocolate milk, even from my first trimester. I played Brielle her music all afternoon and she spent the whole time dancing and having fun.
I made her fajitas with red peppers and onions for dinner. She didn’t react, so I’m not sure she was swallowing the amniotic fluid. She loves onions and red peppers, I guess she was napping. We watched a really funny movie while we waited for my parents to arrive and I ate Brielle’s halloween candy, specifically nerds and airheads. She loved those! I tried to eat a Reese’s and she did not like it, after I ate a couple bites I had to give the rest to David, she did not want that Reese’s.
When my parents arrived Brielle got real quiet and just listened. She is so shy, and there were so many new voices and so much commotion. Emmy and Rosie went crazy when they saw
my family. We all hung out in the living room for a while, snacked on popcorn, and talked about things. Brielle remained quiet the whole time. After my parents went to bed, my sister and I talked for a while. That was fun, we rarely see each other and it was great to catch up.
We then turned on Swan Princess and began singing the begining song together (This is my idea…). We played with Brielle and Tessa patted, wiggled, sang, and talked to my tummy. Towards the end of the song Brielle began to perk up. By the middle of the movie Brielle was moving around and listening. She was finally comfortable enough with Tessa and Zach. Silly girl! Towards the end she was doing a lot of big kicks and punches. I think she had fun tonight. I think she enjoyed the movie and interacting with Aunt Tessa. Mommy and Aunt Tessa sure had fun!
Tessa bought me a couple of books for Brielle for my birthday. The first one is titled “On the Day you were Born” and the other is titled “Wherever you go my Love Will Find You.” Brielle LOVED the book! She danced and kicked. David rubbed coconut oil into my belly as I read to her and she wiggled when he tickled her feet. She seemed very happy that it was just us three again. She is so shy and prefers to just be with her family. I love her so much.
This weekend and the beginning of this week are, perhaps, going to be the hardest time of mine and David’s life. We have not been able to come as far as we have without the love, encouragement, and prayers of the many who follow this page and who follow our story. David and I will never be able to express how much we appreciate everyone’s kindness to us during this time. We’ve come to rely on everyone’s love and prayers during this time and even though you have all given so much, we need to ask for even more. We need so much prayer during the next few days.
I am overwhelmed at times with fear and anxiety. I believe that God could still reveal a complete healing for Brielle or that he could be in the process of healing her. I also know that healing may not be in his plan and while I trust God in this, I don’t know how to exist without my sweet Brielle. I think of the moment I have the epidural and I no longer feel Brielle move. What will her last wiggle feel like and when will it be? I’m so terrified of this time. I just want to see my little girl grow up, I just want her to live. I’m doing my best to stay positive, but I feel like I’m about to fall apart, and this is the time I need to be the strongest! Brielle doesn’t need a Mommy that is a basket case, she needs a Mommy that will guide her through this transition, whatever it may be. So we need prayers, so many prayers.
David and I need strength and courage. We need peace and hope. I don’t want to cry while she is alive, I need help with this. When (or if) I see her exposed brain, I will have a pretty good idea of how long she will last, and I need strength in that moment. If she passes, I need the strength to help her through that process and tell her it’s okay. I need the courage to handle whatever situation we are presented with. And I need the peace that passes understanding. And I need hope. I need to hope for her and not let stats deter me from hoping the best for Brielle.
I also need medical prayers. I was advised to never have abdominal surgery again, and I’m about to have a major one. I need prayers for my recovery, specifically my nervous system. The nerves in my abdomen are severely damaged from previous surgeries and they can’t handle much more damage. Dr. B is one of the best and a very talented surgeon, I trust him. Regardless, my body doesn’t handle surgery well. Please pray I recover well from this and am coherent and not drowsy after delivery. Please also pray that I do not have postpartum hemorrhaging from my polyhydramnios or an amniotic fluid embolism due to the poly and Brielle’s anencephaly.
Then there is sweet Brielle. She needs the most prayer. She needs prayers of healing, miraculous healing, complete healing, she needs prayers of life. She needs prayers of physical and emotional strength. Brielle needs courage as well. This is going to be a very scary experience for her. She’s going to experience what all babies experience, cold, light, loud noise, etc. And that is going to be a big adjustment, especially if her brain is exposed. She’s going to be scared, I’m going to sound different, everything is going to be scary and she may be in pain. She needs help with this. She needs to be able to eat and breathe on her own. She needs prayers that she wont develop an infection and that her vitals will be stable and strong. She needs prayers specifically for her brain: that the nervous system is strong, her blood vessels are strong, the tissue is strong, organized and well developed. If her brain is exposed, we need prayers that she stays warm and that her brain tissue stays healthy (her brain covering will be kept wet and that will make her very cold). If it’s not God’s will for her to live, please pray that she has as much time with us as possible. We want her to meet as many people as possible and to only know love and happiness. Please pray that this is possible. Please also pray that she is in a breech position at the time of delivery. Dr. B plans to pull her out by her feet to reduce damage to her brain, he will turn her by sticking his hand into my uterus, grabbing her legs, and turning her. It would be great if she was already in the position he needed.
And then there is David, these requests are directly from him. That he has the strength for the situation, that he wont be exhausted. That he wont be afraid for her and he wont be pessimistic. And that he will trust God to get us and her through. And that he will be a good Daddy and a good husband (which he already is).
Thank you all for your love and support during this time.
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