This weekend and the beginning of this week are, perhaps, going to be the hardest time of mine and David’s life. We have not been able to come as far as we have without the love, encouragement, and prayers of the many who follow this page and who follow our story. David and I will never be able to express how much we appreciate everyone’s kindness to us during this time. We’ve come to rely on everyone’s love and prayers during this time and even though you have all given so much, we need to ask for even more. We need so much prayer during the next few days.
I am overwhelmed at times with fear and anxiety. I believe that God could still reveal a complete healing for Brielle or that he could be in the process of healing her. I also know that healing may not be in his plan and while I trust God in this, I don’t know how to exist without my sweet Brielle. I think of the moment I have the epidural and I no longer feel Brielle move. What will her last wiggle feel like and when will it be? I’m so terrified of this time. I just want to see my little girl grow up, I just want her to live. I’m doing my best to stay positive, but I feel like I’m about to fall apart, and this is the time I need to be the strongest! Brielle doesn’t need a Mommy that is a basket case, she needs a Mommy that will guide her through this transition, whatever it may be. So we need prayers, so many prayers.
David and I need strength and courage. We need peace and hope. I don’t want to cry while she is alive, I need help with this. When (or if) I see her exposed brain, I will have a pretty good idea of how long she will last, and I need strength in that moment. If she passes, I need the strength to help her through that process and tell her it’s okay. I need the courage to handle whatever situation we are presented with. And I need the peace that passes understanding. And I need hope. I need to hope for her and not let stats deter me from hoping the best for Brielle.
I also need medical prayers. I was advised to never have abdominal surgery again, and I’m about to have a major one. I need prayers for my recovery, specifically my nervous system. The nerves in my abdomen are severely damaged from previous surgeries and they can’t handle much more damage. Dr. B is one of the best and a very talented surgeon, I trust him. Regardless, my body doesn’t handle surgery well. Please pray I recover well from this and am coherent and not drowsy after delivery. Please also pray that I do not have postpartum hemorrhaging from my polyhydramnios or an amniotic fluid embolism due to the poly and Brielle’s anencephaly.
Then there is sweet Brielle. She needs the most prayer. She needs prayers of healing, miraculous healing, complete healing, she needs prayers of life. She needs prayers of physical and emotional strength. Brielle needs courage as well. This is going to be a very scary experience for her. She’s going to experience what all babies experience, cold, light, loud noise, etc. And that is going to be a big adjustment, especially if her brain is exposed. She’s going to be scared, I’m going to sound different, everything is going to be scary and she may be in pain. She needs help with this. She needs to be able to eat and breathe on her own. She needs prayers that she wont develop an infection and that her vitals will be stable and strong. She needs prayers specifically for her brain: that the nervous system is strong, her blood vessels are strong, the tissue is strong, organized and well developed. If her brain is exposed, we need prayers that she stays warm and that her brain tissue stays healthy (her brain covering will be kept wet and that will make her very cold). If it’s not God’s will for her to live, please pray that she has as much time with us as possible. We want her to meet as many people as possible and to only know love and happiness. Please pray that this is possible. Please also pray that she is in a breech position at the time of delivery. Dr. B plans to pull her out by her feet to reduce damage to her brain, he will turn her by sticking his hand into my uterus, grabbing her legs, and turning her. It would be great if she was already in the position he needed.
And then there is David, these requests are directly from him. That he has the strength for the situation, that he wont be exhausted. That he wont be afraid for her and he wont be pessimistic. And that he will trust God to get us and her through. And that he will be a good Daddy and a good husband (which he already is).
Thank you all for your love and support during this time.