David’s Father’s Day Weekend

June 21, 2016June 21, 2016 ~ lovingbrielle ~ Leave a comment

David and I spent this past weekend with family and celebrating Brielle. Saturday afternoon we had a really nice visit with Bernice. We had a great conversation and she was incredibly clear, even giving David some much needed encouragement. It was great to see her doing so well.

We then went to David’s second cousins wedding. David’s dad was the youngest child and David is the youngest child, so David and his second cousin, Jimmy, are just six months apart. I love it and think it’s hilarious.

Jimmy has been a great source of encouragement to David as we’ve dealt with the loss of Brielle. He’s a great guy who’s always there when you need him. I count myself lucky to have a friend like him and to be a part of his family. That being said, we were very excited to see him marry Tammy.

The wedding was beautiful, one of the prettiest weddings I’ve ever attended. It was outside, the weather was perfect, everyone that came loved Jimmy and Tammy, it was just wonderful. And I’m so glad we were able to attend. I love David’s family, they are incredibly kind and have been very accepting of me.

We came home that night and took Brielle to church with us in the morning. David dressed her bear in her Star Wars dress, she was so cute! Dr. Cooper was on fire that morning and gave an incredible talk on David and Goliath. The talk is part of his valleys series, God guiding us through the valleys of life. David and I love attending Mt Paran, Dr. Cooper has a message that speaks directly to us, every single week, and we always feel the spirit of God there. I’ll talk more about this message later.

Sunday evening, for Father’s Day, we took Brielle back to Dave and Buster’s and recreated the photo booth picture. It felt so good to celebrate her again. It hurt to remember the pain of her absence, but it felt good to remember all the love and happiness we shared with her.

I think that’s one of the hardest things about grief, figuring out how to move forward. David, who has worked past the numb stage of grief, unlike me, held my hand and said, “I didn’t know how to go on. She was our world and now there’s nothing left. But this feels good, I want to celebrate her, I want to do all the things with her that we didn’t have the time for, like fly a kite. I want to keep doing her bucket list.”

This kind of took me off guard, so I was a little shocked, but David was sure, this is how he wants to move forward. So I said okay. We’ll make a new bucket list. We took her back to D&B and then, not feeling like video games, we decided to see Finding Dory. Which is a great movie.

We left Brielle in the car and later regretted it. It’s hard knowing where to take her and where not to take her. It can be embarrassing at times, carrying around a dressed up teddy bear, no one knows it’s an urn bear. And sometimes we feel silly, but then, like this Sunday, we regret it.

We’ll do better in the future. We’re still figuring out our new normal. But, at least, this incredibly sad anniversary, ended up being a very good weekend.

The Meaning Behind Brielle’s Name

August 23, 2015January 15, 2016 ~ lovingbrielle ~ Leave a comment

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This picture was taken on Father’s Day. The day before we chose Brielle’s name, the day before that Brielle was diagnosed with anencephaly.

When we came home that Friday the world didn’t feel real. It was dark and rainy and all David and I could do was sit in silence or hold each other and cry. We didn’t know anything, we didn’t know how to do anything, who to be, how to be. All we felt was shock, unbelievable pain, numbness, and confusion. Why did this happen to our little girl? How did this happen to her?

We didn’t have answers, but we did know two things, we were having a girl and she needed a name. We quickly agreed that her name needed to mean something, and it didn’t take much longer to agree that her name needed to have strong in it. So I pulled out the baby name book that my parents used for my sister and I, and began flipping through the pages. Nothing felt right. And so I went through my phone list that had names I had found over time. Brielle was one of the first names on the list. Before we considered it, I checked it’s meaning online. And here’s what we found:

Brielle: God Is My Strength

It was perfect, it fit her, it sounded right, and it wasn’t too much of a mouthful when you said her full name, Brielle Wolford-Gentry.

So we moved onto middle names. Well that was just awful. We always favored vowels and we could not have her initials be B.O.W.G., B.A.W.G., B.U.W.G., etc. Our daughter could not be nicknamed bog, bag, or bug. Having quite a hard time coming up with good middle names that started with a consonant, we decided to let it be for the time being. We’d come up with something eventually.

About a week later, as I was getting up for the day, the name Marie just came to me. Out of no where, it was just there. On it’s own I wasn’t sure that it would fit, but when I put it together it sounded right. Brielle Marie Wolford-Gentry. And thank God, she wasn’t a bug with those initials. Of course her middle name had to mean something as well, just any name would not do. So I looked it up on trusty old Google.

Marie (Hebrew): Wished For Child

She is wished for, constantly. I called David, told him the name, and he said yes, without hesitation. Which is a serious first for my wonderful procrastinator. And that was it. It fit her, our sweet Brielle Marie Wolford-Gentry. Our BMW-G series (my Mother’s ingenuity). And so now when I talk about my sweet little Brielle, you can know that her name isn’t one we just chose because we like it. You can know that we chose it because she needs to be strong and we want her to know she’s wanted.

David’s First Father’s Day

June 27, 2015January 15, 2016 ~ lovingbrielle ~ 2 Comments

Brielle and Mommy planned a special Father’s Day for her Daddy. We planned an evening with Daddy’s favorite dinner and a fun night at Dave and Buster’s!

11169482_886678014726993_7804481866722180503_o — Brielle’s special skirt for our planned photo booth pictures at Dave and Buster’s. David’s father’s day card and Brielle’s corsage. A wonderful lady at Whole Foods made this corsage special for Brielle when I told her what I needed it for on such short notice. She was so kind and had such wonderful things to say, I’ll always remember her kindness.

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10845805_886670268061101_8228934170871613759_o — Brielle’s happy father’s day picture with her sweet corsage. After our evening out I smelled Brielle’s peony corsage for the first time and and she immediately kicked in response, in fact she had such a happy kick that David even felt her for the first time. This was such a special night for him.

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905999_886670374727757_6089762576645571635_o — David trying to win lots of tickets for Brielle.

11700557_886670394727755_4668959351377214885_o — Daddy trying to find a tasty snack for Brielle.

1932526_886670404727754_2225072196014873631_o — Daddy’s pick of cheese sticks did not go over well with Brielle, more for Daddy.

11270367_886671861394275_1398993366200806325_o (1) — This was our photo booth comedy show. We expected a typical photo booth, but instead we got this weird guided experience without a screen for reference (you can’t even see Brielle’s special skirt!) I balanced precariously on a stool so Brielle was visible and David acted silly with baby Brielle. It was great to get a picture with David really smiling!