Our Last Saturday with Brielle

~ lovingbrielle ~ Leave a comment

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Here is an update on Saturday. Jen (a friend of ours) found Munchkin’s owner, whose real name is Lucas, but we still call him Munchkin. That afternoon his owner came and picked him up. Both were very happy to be reunited! We were also very happy to have the house back to normal. Munchkin spent the night crying and wanting snuggles, he’s a big baby lol.

We took it really easy all day. We watched Pocahontas and I ate skittles, popcorn, and chocolate milk (a well balanced diet). Brielle had so much fun! She loved the movie and loved her treats, she has always loved chocolate milk, even from my first trimester. I played Brielle her music all afternoon and she spent the whole time dancing and having fun.

I made her fajitas with red peppers and onions for dinner. She didn’t react, so I’m not sure she was swallowing the amniotic fluid. She loves onions and red peppers, I guess she was napping. We watched a really funny movie while we waited for my parents to arrive and I ate Brielle’s halloween candy, specifically nerds and airheads. She loved those! I tried to eat a Reese’s and she did not like it, after I ate a couple bites I had to give the rest to David, she did not want that Reese’s.

When my parents arrived Brielle got real quiet and just listened. She is so shy, and there were so many new voices and so much commotion. Emmy and Rosie went crazy when they saw
my family. We all hung out in the living room for a while, snacked on popcorn, and talked about things. Brielle remained quiet the whole time. After my parents went to bed, my sister and I talked for a while. That was fun, we rarely see each other and it was great to catch up.

We then turned on Swan Princess and began singing the begining song together (This is my idea…). We played with Brielle and Tessa patted, wiggled, sang, and talked to my tummy. Towards the end of the song Brielle began to perk up. By the middle of the movie Brielle was moving around and listening. She was finally comfortable enough with Tessa and Zach. Silly girl! Towards the end she was doing a lot of big kicks and punches. I think she had fun tonight. I think she enjoyed the movie and interacting with Aunt Tessa. Mommy and Aunt Tessa sure had fun!

Tessa bought me a couple of books for Brielle for my birthday. The first one is titled “On the Day you were Born” and the other is titled “Wherever you go my Love Will Find You.” Brielle LOVED the book! She danced and kicked. David rubbed coconut oil into my belly as I read to her and she wiggled when he tickled her feet. She seemed very happy that it was just us three again. She is so shy and prefers to just be with her family. I love her so much.

Our Prayer Requests for Brielle’s Birth

~ lovingbrielle ~ Leave a comment

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This weekend and the beginning of this week are, perhaps, going to be the hardest time of mine and David’s life. We have not been able to come as far as we have without the love, encouragement, and prayers of the many who follow this page and who follow our story. David and I will never be able to express how much we appreciate everyone’s kindness to us during this time. We’ve come to rely on everyone’s love and prayers during this time and even though you have all given so much, we need to ask for even more. We need so much prayer during the next few days.

I am overwhelmed at times with fear and anxiety. I believe that God could still reveal a complete healing for Brielle or that he could be in the process of healing her. I also know that healing may not be in his plan and while I trust God in this, I don’t know how to exist without my sweet Brielle. I think of the moment I have the epidural and I no longer feel Brielle move. What will her last wiggle feel like and when will it be? I’m so terrified of this time. I just want to see my little girl grow up, I just want her to live. I’m doing my best to stay positive, but I feel like I’m about to fall apart, and this is the time I need to be the strongest! Brielle doesn’t need a Mommy that is a basket case, she needs a Mommy that will guide her through this transition, whatever it may be. So we need prayers, so many prayers.

David and I need strength and courage. We need peace and hope. I don’t want to cry while she is alive, I need help with this. When (or if) I see her exposed brain, I will have a pretty good idea of how long she will last, and I need strength in that moment. If she passes, I need the strength to help her through that process and tell her it’s okay. I need the courage to handle whatever situation we are presented with. And I need the peace that passes understanding. And I need hope. I need to hope for her and not let stats deter me from hoping the best for Brielle.

I also need medical prayers. I was advised to never have abdominal surgery again, and I’m about to have a major one. I need prayers for my recovery, specifically my nervous system. The nerves in my abdomen are severely damaged from previous surgeries and they can’t handle much more damage. Dr. B is one of the best and a very talented surgeon, I trust him. Regardless, my body doesn’t handle surgery well. Please pray I recover well from this and am coherent and not drowsy after delivery. Please also pray that I do not have postpartum hemorrhaging from my polyhydramnios or an amniotic fluid embolism due to the poly and Brielle’s anencephaly.

Then there is sweet Brielle. She needs the most prayer. She needs prayers of healing, miraculous healing, complete healing, she needs prayers of life. She needs prayers of physical and emotional strength. Brielle needs courage as well. This is going to be a very scary experience for her. She’s going to experience what all babies experience, cold, light, loud noise, etc. And that is going to be a big adjustment, especially if her brain is exposed. She’s going to be scared, I’m going to sound different, everything is going to be scary and she may be in pain. She needs help with this. She needs to be able to eat and breathe on her own. She needs prayers that she wont develop an infection and that her vitals will be stable and strong. She needs prayers specifically for her brain: that the nervous system is strong, her blood vessels are strong, the tissue is strong, organized and well developed. If her brain is exposed, we need prayers that she stays warm and that her brain tissue stays healthy (her brain covering will be kept wet and that will make her very cold). If it’s not God’s will for her to live, please pray that she has as much time with us as possible. We want her to meet as many people as possible and to only know love and happiness. Please pray that this is possible. Please also pray that she is in a breech position at the time of delivery. Dr. B plans to pull her out by her feet to reduce damage to her brain, he will turn her by sticking his hand into my uterus, grabbing her legs, and turning her. It would be great if she was already in the position he needed.

And then there is David, these requests are directly from him. That he has the strength for the situation, that he wont be exhausted. That he wont be afraid for her and he wont be pessimistic. And that he will trust God to get us and her through. And that he will be a good Daddy and a good husband (which he already is).

Thank you all for your love and support during this time.

Thank Yous

~ lovingbrielle ~ Leave a comment

I’m so behind on this, but I wanted to say thank you to Craig and Susan for the beautiful flowers and sweet note they sent! I was not expecting them at all and it was a wonderful surprise.

I also want to thank Susan W. for the sweet picture she sent. She told me that she always thought of Brielle when she saw it and decided we needed to have it. I love it! And it matches my house.

And thank you so much Pam D. for the beautiful angel ornament! I was so moved by this sweet gift and it was such a surprise. I actually thought it was my month’s razors. 

It means so much to David and I when we receive these sweet gifts and gestures of kindness. Thank you for thinking of our family, loving on us, encouraging us, and bringing some sunshine into our lives.

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Happy 40th Brielle!

~ lovingbrielle ~ Leave a comment
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Wearing my Orhpans (not a typo) shirt from one of the Rifftrax we saw with Brielle.

Brielle had a great day today (Friday) and it’s the beginning of her 40th week! David took the day off and stayed with us. We woke up early this morning and had bacon (she was very excited about that!) and peanut butter pancakes. She was so happy, lots and lots of wiggles. After breakfast we went back to bed, Mommy needs a lot of sleep these days. I woke up to her acrobatics, she was just having fun, entertaining herself. I wore my “Orhpans” shirt (yes, I spelled that correctly) that David bought me for my birthday. The shirt is from the Rifftrax we saw of “Miami Connection” a few weeks ago. David wanted to be in the same nerd spirit with me, so he wore his “Big Trouble in Little China” shirt.

We decided to have lunch at Maggiano’s, Brielle had a strawberry melon soda when we were there last and she loved it. Unfortunately, that was a seasonal item and they couldn’t make it for us. But she had been wanting olive oil, so she loved her bread and olive oil and she loved the fettuccine alfredo I had too.

I am only playing her playlist of favorite songs this weekend and she has loved it. She was shaking her little booty to Frank Sinatra on the way home. I told David that at least it is a beautiful time of the year to be born. The leaves are beautiful and the weather is great. We picked up her favorite drink from Smoothie King on the way home, Strawberry Extreme. She wanted that all the time in my first and second trimesters. David brought me home one a day for a few weeks. And yes, of course she loved her Strawberry Extreme.

As I was going inside when we got home I saw this little Australian Shepherd. He was just wandering around and no one was in sight. I invited him inside and he happily came in. It was very obvious that he was recently groomed and he was very trusting of us and well mannered. He didn’t have a collar though. I told Brielle we’d have to go on an adventure to find his owners, she was excited about that! We drove around the neighborhood, but no one was looking for him. We took him to the vet and had him checked for a microchip, no chip. We brought him home and introduced him to our dog children. It took a little bit, but they’re all getting along now. Brielle kicked around and wiggled the whole time we worked to assimilate the dog into the house. Our girls (our dogs) are tolerating the other dog, which we later named Munchkin, but they are ready for him to go. And we too, are ready to find his humans, he misses his family and we’d like him to find them.

We later watched a Rifftrax of “No Retreat, No Surrender” a horribly cheesy Van Damme movie from the ’80s. I ate skittles for Brielle and David and I laughed our heads off. Brielle loved hearing us laugh and she loved her skittles. She did lots of punches and I had David put his hand on my tummy so that he could feel them. That always makes him laugh and smile.

Brielle has been so active today and so happy. I’ve done my best to stay positive for her and happy. She really hates it when I cry. Yesterday, (because I was crying) she gave me quite a few painful punches. That wasn’t a lot of fun for either of us. So today I just spent the day doing things she likes and wondering where we’ll be a year from now, or decades from now. I have no idea what to expect, but I desperately hope she’s here.

We also spent the whole day trying to get the doctor’s office to book the c-section, but no one would return our calls. We received a text late tonight from Dr. B who said he would call us Monday and book us for Tuesday or Wednesday. We asked if that would be okay for Brielle. He said her biophysical profile was good, so she should be okay for seven to ten days. Tuesday will be six days since he advised us to schedule a delivery. This whole situation makes me nervous and I’m stressed. I just want Brielle to be okay and no one knows what is going to happen. The scheduling process isn’t helping my anxiety or stress. Oh well, nothing I can do about it this weekend.

Tonight is going to be interesting. Munchkin is terrified of the dark and cries when we turn the lights off. He also stalks us into the bathroom, sneaks into our bed, and has a strange attachment to David’s pants and socks. He’s very cute, but I don’t generally let strange dogs into my bed or bathroom. David keeps saying, “I’m ready for this dog to find his home.” And, “Two dogs is plenty. Three is too much!” Which I find hilarious, because David has been asking for a third dog for a while now, and I just laugh, tell him he’s crazy and then say, “NO.”

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Our pretty fall drive.
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Brielle loves her strawberry smoothies!
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Munchkin!
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All three pups keeping an eye on each other.

 

Brielle’s Last Ultrasound

~ lovingbrielle ~ 1 Comment

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We had our scan today and the technician was really nice. She knew this was probably our last scan and took extra time and let us watch Brielle move around. I cried my eyes out. I pretty much cried my eyes out the whole appointment. My fluid is in the mid 40’s, so it’s holding steady, which is really good. Now the bad news. Brielle isn’t growing. Since last months measurements she has not put on weight, in fact these measurements had her smaller. Dr. B said that probably wasn‘t right and she was probably around the same size as last time. Her length and bones have grown, but her weight has not. Until Dr. B saw that he was fine with us waiting another 2-3 weeks to have her, with weekly ultrasounds to make sure she was okay, of course. When he saw that her weight had not changed, he made it very clear we needed to deliver either tomorrow, Monday, or Tuesday. We’re leaning towards Monday, and I’ll call tomorrow and schedule the c-section. Then I can give everyone a time and stuff.

Another bit of good news, he is very optimistic about her brain being highly functional. She is very responsive and active still and she’s showing only good signs (weight being the only bad one). So he is optimistic. He’s doing his best to give Brielle her best chance at living and I am incredibly grateful. If her brain matter is strong enough then she has a pretty good chance. But if it’s not, the vessels in her brain may burst after birth and she may bleed out quickly or slowly, depending on the bleed.

I’m terrified and heartbroken. I do not want my sweet Brielle to leave me. But either her brain is causing a nutritional problem or my placenta isn’t giving her what she needs. I don’t want her to go and this is the moment I’ve dreaded for the past twenty weeks. I’m going to make a list of specific prayer requests that David and I have, and I’ll post that later.

David and I are going to give Brielle the best weekend we can. Right now David is making one of her favorite meals, pineapple, red pepper, chicken stir fry. She’ll be a very happy baby tonight. I’d appreciate any suggestions you may have on things we should do this weekend.