On the day Brielle was born, after everyone had left and David and I were alone, David came to my side and said, “I’m mad. I’m mad at God. I was so sure he had healed her.” That morning I had posted a picture of Brielle, David, and I getting a picture with the Coca-cola polar bear. Earlier that evening I had checked the Loving Brielle page and in a single day there had been over 35,000 people who had come to the Loving Brielle page and had seen her story.

On average, the Loving Brielle page reaches around 8,000 people per week. This happens by people liking, sharing, and commenting on the pictures and posts. Somehow, in one day her little life reached 35,000 people! That is incredible.

I grabbed David’s hand and said, “I know. I hoped for the best too. But David, Brielle reached 35,000 people today. I don’t know why God didn’t heal her and let her live, but her story isn’t over. God has a bigger plan for her. Look at everything that happened today. Her story isn’t over. We just need to be open to God’s plan and trust him.”

He wiped at his tears and said, “I know, but it still hurts so much.” And it does. We both know that there will be more to Brielle’s life. Clearly God has a plan for us and for her legacy, but we have no idea what that plan might be. Her absence is felt every moment of everyday. And it hurts constantly. And we both get upset with God.

And I think that is important. I think it’s healthy to be upset with him. I think he expects it and I don’t think he is angry with us for being angry. He understands. And I think that is one of the most comforting things about losing Brielle. I can’t be too angry, God would have spared her if it had been for the best and I know this because God also lost his son and he wouldn’t wish this pain on anyone else, especially his own children. And so I know, that like Jesus, it must have been necessary for Brielle to pass now. I may never know the reason, but I can trust that God did not heal her because it was what was best for her.

That doesn’t mean that I don’t hurt. Because I do, quite a bit. But she’s safe and happy. She’s loved and only known love. He did everything he could for us and he made the loss of her life as loving and gentle as it could be. At the end of the day David and I trust him and we trust his plan for our lives.